My dreams Part 2

I had an amazing dream last night. I was spider-man, but instead of stopping crime and saving lives, I ran around raping male midgets. I got myself a count of 7 before I woke up. Good times all around.

My Asshole

I am curious, would it be gay for me to lay on my bed, with my legs spread wide, and a mirror between my legs so I can jerk off to my own asshole?

Is that gay? What is the ruling here?

A man's dreams are an index to his greatness.

A few months back I kept a running diary of my nightly dreams. This only lasted a week because I am a lazy bastard. But the dream I had last night was to good not to share. I stupidly did not write down any notes from my dream as soon as I woke up, so my description will not be the greatest.

I remember I was at a swimming pool with a some teenage girls. They asked me why I was there. I told them I had lost my pet lobster and I was trying to find him. I kept diving underwater to stare at their asses. I would also swim by and poke them in their ass with a stick. They started screaming, but I told them it was not me, but my pet lobster.

I then remember I was locked in a warehouse with a rabid deer which was stalking me. At one point I heard a loud noise come from behind some boxes. It turned out to be my 95 year old grandmother lifting weights. The deer then came charging at me and out of nowhere Jack Nicholson jumped out wearing a dominatrix outfit and started barking at the deer. The deer got scared and ran away. Jack then raped my grandmother while screaming "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

That is all I can remember for now. I briefly recall something about being hit by a car, but I cant remember any of the details. I wish I had written it down, this was a damn good dream.

Rape. A victimless crime.

During my afternoon walk I came to thinking, how come blind women are not raped more often? How could they identify you? Assuming you do not have your named tattooed in braille on your body, how could you go wrong? I would think finding a blind, deaf, mute would be the goal of any good rapist. What am I missing here?

My life is complete

This week could not get any better. First the Zoloft I am taking has turned me into a sexual superhero. I am squirting off 2-3 shots a day. I am at the point where I am running home on my lunch break to squeeze a quick one off. I have not been this turned on since the time I "accidentally" assaulted the woman at the Megadeth concert. At this rate I will have that milk jug filled in no time. Good times.

Now comes this news. Fuck yeah! If you were a kid in the 80's you know where I am coming from. Other than Super Fuzz, Fragile Rock was the only good thing to come out of the 80's.

And for those who have no idea what I am referring to. I pity you.

I hate fake breasts as much as I hate midgets

I know I am in the minority on this one, but I cant stand fake breasts. Give me a nice A or small B cup any day of the week. Click here for a good example of what I am referring to. That stupid bitch had perfect breasts. Now they are lopsided and retarded looking. Stupid whore.

Here is my ideal women. Blond hair, A cup breasts, nice ass, into light spanking, and likes anal. I don't really care about a woman's face. The way I look at it, all women look the same with two black eyes, a broken nose, and my cock in their mouth.

Fuck, now I am all worked up. I think its time to head to the city and beat a hooker.

We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams...

For the last week I have been trying to keep a diary of my dreams. For the most part I have been successful. There were a few days I could not remember what I had dreamt about the previous night. My descriptions below are quick notes taken when I woke up in the morning. Because of this they may not be complete sentences or make much sense.

Sat June 25: I was superman who was afraid to fly. World was ending. I was not able to save anyone. People died.

Mon June 27: At a Duran-Duran concert near a river or lake. An alligator got loose and started attacking and killing people. I went to the food court and had a snack.

Tues June 28: Neighbors thought I was spying on their wives. They tried to kill me. I blew up the complex.

Wednesday June 29: Pet dog gave birth to puppies. I lost each puppy. Dog killed me.

Sat July 2: Friends were hunting me. I hid from them and then killed them one by one.

Tues July 5: Bought a kitten. I liked it. I set San Francisco on fire and burned the entire city down.

Wednesday July 6: Was out grocery shopping with Top Cruise. He tried to convert me to scientology. I killed him.

Religion Suck Ass

I hate every religion at there. Every single one of them is for small minded pricks who are to fucking scared to cope with the fact that when you die, YOU ARE GONE FOREVER. There is no fucking heaven! Deal with it. Stop with this religious bullshit you stupid motherfuckers. I hate all of you uptight assholes. GOD DOES NOT EXIST. He was the Ghandi of his time. Nothing more. Should he be remembered? Sure go ahead and remember his life. But to worship the asshole, FUCK NO. I cannot believe people waste their time on such bullshit. Hey assholes while you are at it, why not worship Santa Claus too. Dickwads.

The list below is dedicated to all you religious, uptight, small minded, bible thumping shit fucks. Not sure who wrote it and I don't care, so I am stealing it and calling it my own. Fuck off.

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You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Fucking Idiots

Holy Shit!!! Look at this crap - Cnn.com. I cannot believe we are still searching for this stupid cunt. It has been over a month!! The bitch is dead. Who the fuck cares, one stupid redneck bitch is missing, lets move on and stop wasting our time with this crap. I wonder how much of tax payers money is being wasted on this slut. Jesus fucking Christ can we please move on to more important news. I will tell you right now if the NCAA Tournament is interrupted in anyway for "breaking news" regarding this case and this stupid cunt rag, there will be hell to pay!! Fucking Idiots!!!!!

The Dreams Of Which I Am Dying Are The Best I Ever Had

Can someone explain to me the purpose behind this? Cnn.com . Why are they building a suicide barrier on the bridge? If I want to fucking kill myself by jumping off the fucking bridge I should have the right to do that. Who the hell are these assholes to tell me that is wrong. If someone wants to end their life when they see fit, that is their fucking right as a human being. You fucking pompous right wing religious assholes trying to force your fucking shitty religious beliefs onto other people. Take your bible thumping bullshit and shove it up your uptight asses you stupid motherfuckers.

Fucking Assholes

Reading this article at cnn today pissed me off - http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/25/florida.girl/index.html . Here is the paragraph that just kills me:

"More than 100 investigators -- including a 30-member Child Abduction Response Team -- are combing the marshy land around the girl's Homosassa, Florida, home".

What the fuck, you know how much money that is costing the tax payers to find this one stupid bitch! Who cares, it is one dumb child. If the local authorities want to investigate, that is fine, but 100 investigators!! You have to be kidding me. I cannot believe my taxes are going to help pay to search for one fucking child.

Also look at that picture of that kid, she has the teeth of a 90 year old life long chain smoker. Look how yellow they are. Stupid redneck bitch.

She is probably dead anyway, wait a few days until the hawks start circling over her dead body, the cops would find her in no time then, and it would save a shitload of money.

It is one child, who cares, life goes on. Tell the family to forget about her and have another one. I will volunteer to fly down to Florida right now and fuck that fat ugly mother, and get her pregnant just so they can have another child and shut the fuck up about this one. All they do is whine, all day on the news "whaaaaaa, somebody took my child, whaaaaaaaaa". Cry me a river you stupid bitch, nobody cares. Go eat a Twinkie and shut up. Fucking Assholes.